Whether society wants to admit it or not, hook-up culture is very much a thing! Instead of listing off the typical advice you normally hear, I asked more than a dozen single women in their 20s what their advice is to stay safe if you choose to have a Valentine’s Day rendezvous. Welcome to The Learning Curve & thanks for reading!
Today we are going to hash out a rather “taboo” subject—hookups. In a 2013 study performed by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, it was found that between 60 and 80 percent of North American college students have had some sort of hook-up experience.
Even more interesting, to me at least, is that in a similar study of 832 college students, 26% of women and 50% of men reported feeling “positive” the morning after the hook up; minimal to no regrets.
By definition, sexual hookups provide the allure of sex without strings attached. Let’s dive in!
I am not saying avoid a public date first. Realistically, we all know that is the safest approach. However, I get it. Sometimes, you’re skipping that step and going straight to their house, or they’re coming to yours. If that is your current scenario, this article is for you.
It’s Valentine’s Day and you are swipe, swipe, swiping in search of some evening plans. You match, you talk, you’re making plans.
Step one: Ask to see recent pictures! Verify they are who they really say they are.
Did they take the time to “verify” their dating app profile? (this usually shows a check-mark or star that notifies users that a person has confirmed their identity)
Do they have Snapchat?
Do they have an Instagram?
Can you pull up a Facebook account?
If they do not have any social media, it is worth asking if they will Facetime you. Most importantly, you need to make sure you are not getting catfished. Let’s assume they are real, they’re cute, and you’re moving forward with it. Go you! No judgment.
Step two: Always, always have an escape route. It’s easy, use one of these
“Sure! I’ll come over, but I have to leave around 10 p.m. to finish homework.”
“Yes, I’d love to have dinner but I’ll need to leave after that to finish some laundry.”
“I’d love to, but just so you know, I will have to be back at my house around 9 p.m.”
Always tell them a time. If they can’t respect your boundaries or try to talk you out of it—red flag. Be sure to hold yourself accountable to the time you set for yourself too! It gives you time to step away, analyze the situation and see how you feel about it.
Okay, but what if they’re coming to my house and I can feed my dog right there? No worries, try these:
“I’ll have to kick you out around 9 p.m. because I need to call my [mom, grandpa, friend, etc.], I promised I’d call them back when I could talk for a longer period of time.”
“You can come to my place, but I do have something early to do in the morning so you’ll have to leave by 11 or so.”
“I have a friend coming over at 10 to help me with some stuff, so as long as we’re done by then!”
The key to an “escape route” is keeping it simple. They don’t really know you; you don’t really know them. It doesn’t need to be elaborate and it doesn’t need to be a lie. Schedule a phone call with one of your friends, if nothing else.
Step three: Share your location with your friends!
It’s simple, it takes two seconds and it adds a huge level of security!
Other apps that allow a share location feature:
Snapchat
Live360
Google Maps
Addendum to step three:
Keep your friends updated throughout the night by sending texts or emojis that indicate it is “going well,” or you need help (a friend can always call and get you out of a situation faster if you’re really not enjoying yourself)
Always text a friend if you and your date decide to leave the house. Even if it is going to get cookies, you never know.
Step four: Protect yourself! (sexually & physically)
You can’t rely on your date to have protection, so rely on yourself. Bring your own condoms, lubrication, etc. whatever you use.
Women specifically, treat yourself to a self-defense keychain (pepper spray, pocket-knife, brass knuckles). You can find these on Amazon or stores like Walmart or Dick’s Sporting Goods.
Step five: Calm your nerves
Relax! If you have followed these steps and feel good about the situation, then allow yourself to be excited and feel the butterflies. However, if you make your plans and still feel uneasy about it—maybe your gut is trying to tell you something.
Enjoy a glass of wine
Call a friend on your way over, or while waiting for them to show up
Dress in a way that you feel confident. When you look good, you feel good!
One last thing, Tinder sponsors this app, Noonlight, on its site and I thought it would be smart to share with all of you as well! You set a pin, hold the screen down, and type your pin in when you’re safe. If you’re ever in danger, or, you release the button and do not enter the pin—911 is called to alert authorities.
Stay safe and do not forget to subscribe for FREE today!
